somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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