using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
