My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
