went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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