my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
