i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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