Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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