He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
