What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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