i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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