...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
