do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
a search helicopter?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
