I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
