in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
