She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
