I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
