I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
