just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
