once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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