Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
