zippers are such a cool invention
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
