Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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