It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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