I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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