Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
