i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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