He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
