She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
