Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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