watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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