Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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