You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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