I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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