First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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