i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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