Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
