Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
