You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
