Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
