And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
