I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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