I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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