Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize