eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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