I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well you can't waste a boner
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
