I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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