But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
