ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
