Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
