my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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