I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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