it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
