i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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