so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
