before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
