did you get engaged???
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
