Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
