Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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