evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
