brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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