everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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