i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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