I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
