Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
