i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
