yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
