My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
