so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
