You surviving the open bar?
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I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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